Tuxedos on the beach

So after my 5 month stint in the United States, I come back to India. I landed at Delhi Airport on 24 December midnight, where my cousin picked me up. The journey from Iowa City to New Delhi was comfortable but somewhat boring. The flights were much more comfortable than the Air India one I took on my way to U.S.  It was also a nice experience, visiting new airports viz. Minneapolis and Paris. Especially the French and their affinity to their languages. It makes me want to learn French (and many other tongues) so desperately. One thing, that I am damn sure that I want to do is to be proficient in atleast 2 languages other than the ones I already know. Charles De Gaulle Airport, Paris When I was heading home in Delhi, I knew straightaway that this was only a break in journey towards my final destination, Indore. Even though, I am staying at my uncle's here, my heart stays in the city where I spent most of my life with. The city where I went to school, prepared for competitiv...

It is not often in grad school that you wake up early on Sunday morning to catch the sun peeking from far behind the horizon. What is even rarer is the fact that you get the privilege of watching the sky turn red due to some atmospheric activity, long after the sun has set. And when you do get a chance, its almost impossible to not reflect on such wonderful sights that nature offers, just one of the endless bounties it does. So, I was off to the south east part of Iowa City for the Sunday morning satsangh (a meditation group that I am part of), and just when I crossed Walmart on Highway 6, the first rays of sun poured through the orifices of beauties that the world calls eye. Such a beautiful organ it is, helps us perceive such greatness and beauty and yet we have such a mundane world for it- 'Eye'? I sometimes like one of the Hindi/Sanskrit alternatives for it- लोचन (Lōchana). Anyone who knows his Hindi will admit that it is such a beautiful word. :) This word is filling me...

Now nothing is left. For I have tended all hard feelings, All the chords and wires, I have diligently unplugged. No dreams  venture my eyes anymore. Those eyes  which even in daylight, were once an abode to, A portrait. Life-like, and yet a screen, through which I used to, see the world. But it’s not there anymore. Lets decorate, the empty house with a new vignette And convey the message, To the Heart “Lets love again”.

Finally 40 days after I landed in the United States of America, I finally am able to take out some time and willingness to blog. Its been a wonderful experience so far, with both civic and domestic life being starkly different from what I used to experience back home. So yesterday I want to watch the first Football match of my life. People back home, its pretty different from what we call football (soccer) in India, its American football.  American Football is very popular in the U.S and is played at both college and professional level. The match was between Missouri State and The University of Iowa, which I now proudly belong to. The atmosphere was totally electric. And the fact that I had a seat only 7 rows away from the main action made it even more exciting. Almost everything about the match was exciting, the marching band of the U of I, the loud roar when the players of the home team walked into the ground from locker room and the constant chanting of "Go Hawks!...

सोई सोई सी है फिज़ा, हवाओं की नमी कुछ खो सी गयी है, एक सूखे चश्म सा लगता है दिल, जहां बहता था कभी एक सुन्दर झरना, और थीं कुछ सुन्दर कलियाँ, जो खिलने के लिए कर रही थी किसी का इंतज़ार, वो कलियाँ अब मुरझा सी गयी हैं, चलो किसी और के लिए फिर से अश्क बहाए जाएँ, उन मुरझाई कलियों को फूल बनाया जाए  चलो फिर से इश्क़ किया जाए|

Discipline has been the fabric of nature since its inception. The natural beings show bilateral symmetry, the spiral shells defined carefully by Fibonacci series, gravity being consistent and governed by laws that a hold their ground all across the (macro) universe. On the other hand the modern human society places heavy emphasis on being free. The ability to 'think out of the box' has been iterated so often that, this phrase has become an 'in the box' cliche by itself. There have been heralded instances in the human history where heroes have challenged the norms and mores of the contemporary society. We are brought up in a disciplined environment, expected to live a life that is in order, getting up on time, rushing to school, do our homework, fare well in exams, keep our room clean. And yet every individual wishes to be an Einstein, a Mark Zuckerberg, a Steve Jobs or a Mahatma Gandhi. The one to change the world as it exists. The two seem to b...

एक हसीं शाम का आलम, एक ढलती, गुज़रती रात कुछ चाय का नशा, कुछ तुम्हारी हया, किसी बेवफा से वफ़ा की उम्मीद की जाए यारों से यारी, दुश्मनों से दुश्मनी की जाए भूल पुराने सदमो को, नए सुहाने नग़मों को, दिल के साज़ से, रूहानी आवाज़ से, होठों पे सजाया जाए चलो फिर से इश्क किया जाए।

चलो फिर से इश्क किया जाए,  दर्द से दिल्लगी की जाए,  टूटे हुए टुकड़ों को उठा कर,  गहरे ज़ख्मों को भुला कर, फिर उन्ही जज़्बातों को, उन्हीं शबाबी रातों को, याद करके, थोड़ा हंसा जाए   थोड़ा रोया जाए, चलो, फिर से, इश्क किया जाए।

And after almost 3 months, I write something. Even the poem was composed quite a while ago, its just that now is the most pertinent time  for me to post it as it is lucidly reflecting my current feelings like a mirror. This post is a pensive one, because I can see no further. I am tired of life, of getting disappointed again and again, loving and losing, hoping to achieve something and then faltering, not because I am incompetent but because the times are against me. I admit that there was a time when luck was shining on me, every thing I touched to turned to gold. And I wished that time that, it wouldn't run out when I needed it the most. But alas, it seems it has run out; the quota of luck that everyone is allocated; I have run out of it. Friends leaving me, the wonderful fellowship I had with GDG Indore coming to a sweet yet inevitable end, and then this happens. Yes, I am hurt because someone who I was intensely passionate about, fell for an idiot. I should've...

Will you set me free? Beyond tales of love & woes, That lie within you & me As I seek answers to the questions of life. Tell me, Will you set me free? From bonds of love that I once built, One-sided, but true, and pure to the hilt. And the fear, of losing you. I know you don't care, For you, I am just one of many. But for me you remain, A reflection. Of a shadow that I once chased, of innocence, free from guile. Do I want you? Nothing could be farther from the truth. And why should I lie? I do not want you, I need you. To make me yours, and never leave. But that is now just a shadow, Beyond anyone's reach. Tell me, Will you set me free? Dreams? I killed them. Mercilessly, because they were my own. I couldn't stand anyone else doing so. And now only you remain, between me and my quest. To conquer death.  Tell me, Will you set me free?

I have been drafting a lot of posts in the month of march but the reason I didn't update my blog was because I hadn't yet found the composure- both of my own self and my texts. Hence, when I begin typing this post, it is full of apprehension. But of a different kind. I do not care of writing a  perfect piece, not to make any mistake or ranting. I write this article in a state of emotional dizziness- my inner turmoil put to words. We all dream, or at least used to dream while we were young. Dreams of becoming a pilot, policeman, driver, doctor, and what not. That time, we were driven not by the glamour or money but the feeling that the character brought to us. We used to feel proud, caring, tough and famous while imagining ourselves to be in those shoes. And we wished we would quickly grow up so that we could be what we dreamt of. Oblivious to the hardships, "realities" and complications that life had in store for us. Our dreams were untamed. Wild, free, infinite a...

Just back from Chai bar- a cool place in Indore with a lovely ambience. Needless to say, it serves one of the  most awesome chai s (teas) in the town. Frankly, I was experiencing something which I describe as “thought drought”. No thoughts, whatsoever, neither happy nor sad. Out of nowhere, my friends started discussing something and I was quick to jump in with my opinion- “THAT is absolute crap because of so-and-so reason”. My friend stopped midway and gave me a good long stare. “Do you know what your problem is? You are over analytical. You analyse things too much, always finding faults with anything and everything that you come across. Why can’t you take things easy for a while? Enjoy life as it comes. Do not judge.” It was not the first time someone said that. Different friends from different walks of life have told me this. For people like me, even love is just an equation with a cause-and-effect relationship between the variables and their solution...

Valentine's day is just round the corner and I must admit its hard to not get caught in the fray. Be it the lovers who eagerly await this day to make it special for their sweethearts or the singles who rue being alone and yet keep a straight face by making fun of those who are committed. Lets admit it. Everyone , be it a boy or a girl has a need to be loved. A need to feel special, to be wanted, to be the world to someone. After all, the genesis of the mankind was out of the love of Adam and Eve. The expressions of love may be as varied as imagination, but at the bottom of all this lies a heart, yearning for love. Love could manifest as a  proposal on a hilltop, on a roller coaster, over a clichéd "dinner", over coffee, or maybe in bed after a steamy session of sex. The list is unbound. Love in itself, even more. Its amazing to see how similar humans are, when in love. No matter how vehemently we deny it, there is no rationality in love. Almost all of us love on...

No matter how much we grow up, there is always an association with our roots. An association that may be bleak but still existent. We might not even remember the locality we were born in, or the landmarks of the city, or the faces of people who lived around you. Yet there is some part in us, a seed that was planted but by whom I know not. It could be our parents, transferring into us the evocative sense that came to them when they realized that they were going to enter a new phase in life. Or it could be by God, for a reason known only to him, a cog in the giant scheme of things.. And it evokes memories, largely hazy and sometimes even a figment of our imagination, partially. While on the railway station, I saw the train from Indore to Gwalior. What a pleasant surprise :-) the train from my "janmbhoomi"  (place of birth) to "karmbhoomi" (place where I lived the largest chunk of my life). A few years ago, I would have dismissed these thoughts as ones emanating...

Once again, I step positively into the new year, with the hopes of finishing incomplete jobs and marching ahead. But there is also a lot different to the way I am approaching the new year. The past year, even though I didn't realize, made me a lot wiser. I gained a lot of experience, working with new people, dealing with previously unseen situations and of course getting placed in 2 companies. The feeling that accompanies this new year is not of pessimism but of apprehension. And this is not my cynical attitude of finding faults in everything or the usual defeatist way of looking at things. I genuinely know that I am placed at a very good position in my life. The stage is set, the launching pad ready. I feel like a young eagle, who was brought up and trained in a loving and caring environment and was taught all the skills like flying, hunting, taking care of loved ones, has now come to age. The time is approaching, to leave the eyrie and fly away. Not beca...