Diary of a rationalist

Just back from Chai bar- a cool place in Indore with a lovely ambience. Needless to say, it serves one of the  most awesome chais (teas) in the town.
Frankly, I was experiencing something which I describe as “thought drought”. No thoughts, whatsoever, neither happy nor sad.
Out of nowhere, my friends started discussing something and I was quick to jump in with my opinion- “THAT is absolute crap because of so-and-so reason”. My friend stopped midway and gave me a good long stare.
“Do you know what your problem is? You are over analytical. You analyse things too much, always finding faults with anything and everything that you come across.
Why can’t you take things easy for a while? Enjoy life as it comes. Do not judge.”

It was not the first time someone said that. Different friends from different walks of life have told me this. For people like me, even love is just an equation with a cause-and-effect relationship between the variables and their solutions.
The entire encounter with my crush is virtually put under an electron microscope and the equivalent of a vector analysis is performed on it: my looks that day, her frame of mind, guys hitting on her, peer group.  And after carefully analysis, I come on the conclusion whether I have a chance or not.
Most of the times the answer is 6 of yes and half a dozen of no.
So much for probability distribution.

Even while watching movies or TV serials, this continues- the dissection of stupid daily soap plots and harsh criticism of those which are illogical or that do not conform to the established norms of the society.
The biggest drawback of being a rationalist is you lose the power to believe in something. Your passion, your love, even your ordinary day-to-day activities are reduced to theories that have to be proved (or disproved) with supporting facts. And given the amount of cynicism prevalent in the modern day world, every supporting evidence is dismissed as inconclusive or a one-time-thing and every negative bit is blown largely.

But, in real life, there are many things that lie beyond logic.
Our own lives are a beautiful examples of it. We look back upon the path we climbed and realize those points where it could have gone either way. And fortunately it went in a way conducive to the evolution to our soul.
How does science explain this? Schrodinger’s experiment, probability theory, quantum entanglement?

Deep inside every individual, there exists a pool of consciousness, lying beneath all the layers of rationality and level head-edness. When these layers are too tough, it becomes difficult to tap inside.
Maybe that’s what has happened to me.  Most of the time I try to justify (read criticize) myself and my pattern of thinking. But there come times when emotions flow, and their force is strong enough to break through the rocks of logic.

That is when, I get a glimpse, almost a fleeting one, of the real me.