Being (Un)Happy
Being happy is not easy. Maybe it is our brain's programming that makes us find faults in everything. Our over analytic behaviour makes us find faults in everything that we do. Makes us believe that we should not be happy as we don't have - a) or b), or reminds me of a problem in our lives.
Why is it so? Why are we not happy? This is not a rhetorical question but something that
I live a near perfect life. Yes, I am arrogant and often "condescending" but I consider myself to be a good guy from inside. May be this conflict between the popular rhetoric of "Bad Guys" and my inherent goodness often creates problems. Often, while talking to people.
Its good that I have understood the problem, but again I tend to analyze it too much. Result, I remain unhappy, unhappy when someone talks to my crush, unhappy when I see others enjoying and me being so called "left out". And then I try to find solace by being professional, doing my "work".
I am not a desperate. Ok but why does it matter even if I am. I tried everything from "taking a vacation", "making new friends", but it just doesn't work. And last night I was suddenly afraid. The reason why being afraid is surprising is because I am a cocky fellow. very unlike my Libran-ish traits, I respond to fear by being bold. Sometimes it works, other times it boomerangs causing a spell of self-induced depression.
Probably, this is one of those spells. October has always been a blue month for me, I dunno why.
Another thing which bugs me is procrastination delaying my (in)decisions. And I can't highlight enough the fact that people ridicule me and even get mad at me for being unhappy.
They say look at your life- "Two Jobs- at CSC and MU Sigma, A fantastic GRE + TOEFL score, an industrial project, a single child, with no issues at home, have cool gadgets, fantastic IQ and general knowledge." What more could I ask for? I cant even complain, its true. And this frustrates me even more. I am living a life that many dream.
Meditation gives me peace, but only for a short while. I admit I am not that good with people. But, I know people worse than me succeeding.
And another thing that has recently been bugging me is Monophobia- "the fear of being alone". I feel that once I step out of college I shall lose contact with friends. Everyone will get busy in their own lives and so will I. But, that was last night. And a good sleep sets things straight.
These spells have been bugging me since I entered college, and I had almost learnt to live with it till last year.
But this year, they have hit me back invigorated, with increased frequency and longer duration. I feel like taking psychiatric help, but I know that I don't have any disorder (thanks to many internet surveys I have taken) All I need is to figure out how to think in the right way and all will be fine..
Hope I find it ASAP...
Why is it so? Why are we not happy? This is not a rhetorical question but something that
I live a near perfect life. Yes, I am arrogant and often "condescending" but I consider myself to be a good guy from inside. May be this conflict between the popular rhetoric of "Bad Guys" and my inherent goodness often creates problems. Often, while talking to people.
Its good that I have understood the problem, but again I tend to analyze it too much. Result, I remain unhappy, unhappy when someone talks to my crush, unhappy when I see others enjoying and me being so called "left out". And then I try to find solace by being professional, doing my "work".
I am not a desperate. Ok but why does it matter even if I am. I tried everything from "taking a vacation", "making new friends", but it just doesn't work. And last night I was suddenly afraid. The reason why being afraid is surprising is because I am a cocky fellow. very unlike my Libran-ish traits, I respond to fear by being bold. Sometimes it works, other times it boomerangs causing a spell of self-induced depression.
Probably, this is one of those spells. October has always been a blue month for me, I dunno why.
Another thing which bugs me is procrastination delaying my (in)decisions. And I can't highlight enough the fact that people ridicule me and even get mad at me for being unhappy.
They say look at your life- "Two Jobs- at CSC and MU Sigma, A fantastic GRE + TOEFL score, an industrial project, a single child, with no issues at home, have cool gadgets, fantastic IQ and general knowledge." What more could I ask for? I cant even complain, its true. And this frustrates me even more. I am living a life that many dream.
Meditation gives me peace, but only for a short while. I admit I am not that good with people. But, I know people worse than me succeeding.
And another thing that has recently been bugging me is Monophobia- "the fear of being alone". I feel that once I step out of college I shall lose contact with friends. Everyone will get busy in their own lives and so will I. But, that was last night. And a good sleep sets things straight.
These spells have been bugging me since I entered college, and I had almost learnt to live with it till last year.
But this year, they have hit me back invigorated, with increased frequency and longer duration. I feel like taking psychiatric help, but I know that I don't have any disorder (thanks to many internet surveys I have taken) All I need is to figure out how to think in the right way and all will be fine..
Hope I find it ASAP...
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